Chicago
My husband and I have been talking about moving to Chicago for awhile now. Two of our friends moved there and it seems like a city with a lot of potential. People mention it's quite similar to Toronto as well. The biggest perk is housing - there's some absolutely amazing detached houses in Chicago that are a lot more affordable than the Toronto equivalent (think 800k vs 3mil). As I get older, I'm starting to really think about what the next step is. I paid off my student loans, I have no debt, I don't want kids, so what's next? Travel, a home and saving for retirement. Those are my three goals and they don't really work that well together in this economy lol. I started investing this year and making use of my TSFA, FHSA and RRSP but I still feel worried about my future despite having a sizeable savings and no debt. My husband and I don't have family to fall back on, we have no inheritance, we just have each other and our savings and I am an anxious lady so I tend to catastrophize. So Chicago seems like a no brainer for our future. Cheaper homes, higher salaries, faster retirement which means more traveling!
So we talked about a green card and America as an option. I don't really like the idea of America or really the midwest. I love New York but I wonder if that's because I was vacation mode. How well can you know a city as a tourist? Not well at all I'd argue. I loved Toronto, and then hated it and left to Halifax. Then after a year I hated Halifax. Moved back to Toronto and I was smitten, 3 years later I see the cracks. I moved around a lot as a child so nothing really felt like home. But Toronto finally does.
Everytime we talk about Chicago, starting the green card process and visiting I feel dread. Is Chicago really that much better? Will a nice home make me happy? I don't know, I'm not really convinced. When I moved back to Toronto I moved through a lot of friends - I was a social butterfly because I felt so socially deprived in Halifax. I hate saying this but I'm an introverted extrovert. I love hanging out with people. I love making friends. I get drained quickly and def have social anxiety but at the end of the day I feel a lot better when I did something with another human being. So in Halifax, I had melee friends and some school friends but I didn't really put effort into this friendships. I realized quickly that adult friendships need effort especially when you don't work or go to school together. So when I moved back to Toronto, in classic me fashion, I inevitably burned myself out by overbooking myself with middleschool, highschool, university, game and work friend hangouts whew.. ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧ I guess I basically speed dated my friends and quickly realized what sort of circle I wanted. I like bringing my friends together for parties and seeing how well they mesh together and making little adjustments (kinda feel like a psychopath???)
Anyways, this is the first time as an adult where I've developed a healthy support network and it brings me a lot of joy. I think home really is where your loved ones are. So I feel this ache whenever we think about moving. If you asked me 4 years ago about moving to Chicago I would've said yes without a second thought. But now I'm at the point where I wonder, will the house with a green yard make me happier than the moments I share with my friends? You could argue I can make new friends in Chicago and I already have two friends there but I think I'll miss the friends I have here terribly much.
On a last note, my best friend texted me about one of her close friends passing away and she sent me a heartfelt message about how it made her think about life and how even though she's busy right now she wants me to know she'll be there for me. Right away I called her because that's what she does when I share bad news - I figured she likes talking on the phone more than texting (she didn't pick up probably because it's work hours). I sent her a heartfelt reply and got very emotional. I don't know her friend, I felt sad for my best friend but really the emotion I felt is guilt. I feel guilty about the potential of leaving. I know she'd tell me to do what's best for me but I know she'd want me to stay. I don't know what to do. We're going to be visiting Chicago sometime in March or April and I don't think I'll have an answer even then.
(unrelated note - would it be weird if I share my pole progress here? 乁( ⁰͡ Ĺ̯ ⁰͡ ) ㄏ)