Spring review
It's no secret that spring is my favorite season (despite the turbulent Canadian weather..) I'm blessed that our unit faces southeast, we get a ton of sunlight (so my plants and I are genuinely thriving!) This winter was especially a dark one and if I ever questioned if I had SAAD, I no longer do hah. In a nutshell, I'm feeling a lot happier and progressively more productive! It's funny looking back on photos I've taken during past springs and seeing the very apparent uptick in photos and remembering just how much more active I become in the springtime LOL (；´∀｀)
I thought it'd be fun to blog about some things that have ~ blossomed ~ and look back on the past few weeks. Let's start with the most fitting category: plants (・ε・｀)
Blossoming plants
Since moving back to Toronto, I've been apprehensive about decorating our balcony lol. My theory was that we're renting and what if we buy a bunch of patio furniture and move and end up with no balcony. So I've never made the most out of our balcony.. until now! We've been in our current place for almost 2 years and it's been our best unit yet and we have the means to spend on some furniture. So we decorated and I bought some outdoor plants (including strawberries!) Ever since I plant-sat(?) a previous coworker's plants at the beginning of the pandemic, my green thumb has improved and the indoor plant count is.. a lot. Outdoor plants require a bit more attention and care which has been great at forcing me onto the balcony LOL. The cats have been enjoying it a ton too and I've even worked on the balcony which was really nice. Nature truly is healing and I'm looking forward to (hopefully) eating some balcony-grown strawberries lol. 🍓
Blossoming friendships
I have brunch and board games every month with my old startup coworkers and it's been really fun having this sort of "routine". I was always envious of an old friend who would see his high school friends every other Sunday for board games. I thought that was the coolest thing - having a routine with old friends. Something I dearly miss about high school is that routine or constant of seeing friends everyday. It was so simple - you'd hang out at lunch or after school and that was that. A lot of the time it didn't require pre-planning, it just sort of happened naturally. I understand that isn't realistic as we get older and we have more responsibilities but this sort of constant has been really lovely. We chat on Discord on a daily basis so it's not likely we're out of touch with one another, but seeing people in person has been so cathartic. And board games are so relaxing (I guess..depending on the game LOL).
Alongside my old coworkers, I've also gotten closer to friends individually. It's funny how I've been friends with someone for almost two decades and we've been growing even closer together. I saw a post about a children's picture book called "Frog and Toad" and I immediately bought the book thinking of her. The character Toad really resonated with me and reminded me of us. There's this short story in particular that I feel perfectly describes our relationship (and I def cried reading it lmao...):
Both of us have depression and we handle it very similarly. We don't want to burden each other so we mostly just keep it to ourselves. But whenever I'm feeling extra sucky, she reaches out to me. I told her it's like she has an antenna that she can sense my feelings LOL. Being friends with someone for so long, it's natural that we change, grow apart at times, and have fights. And despite all of that, our friendship has survived and is blossoming even more. I think it's largely because we always assume the best in each other. When I disappeared, she didn't assume it was because of her and vice versa. We both know that we have our own demons and that life hasn't been the kindest to us and sometimes it will get in the way of our friendship. I think that's why Toad and Frog resonate so strongly with me despite being a children's picture book lol. Toad has his demons and rather than making assumptions, Frog tries to help Toad. I thought that was so pure and it's how I want to nurture friendships.
My best friend's fiance mentioned how we're both so similar in terms of our anxieties too. She gets anxious that she's self-inviting herself and is imposing and I get anxious about inviting her over in case I'm too needy LOL. Her fiance laughed that we have the exact same problem. So when my friend was vulnerable and told me she feels like she's self-inviting herself and it gives her anxiety, that made me so sad. I told her I'm always so genuinely happy when she does that but I realize now how could she possibly know that? I appreciate that she didn't assume the worst in me but I should obviously show her affection regardless. I told her I'll be more vocal and tell her I want her to come over and hang out and in return, she can tell me if I'm being too needy lol. Problem solved. Adult friendships, in theory, seem so simple - we (mostly) know what we want but have difficulty articulating it because of some past experience or possibly unreasonable anxiety. It's easy to start making assumptions as a result. It's why I think being friends as kids is so much simpler. Kids seem much more direct and likely haven't had those painful experiences that might cloud their relationships so they just ask or say what they want. I can't name a time when I asked someone (as an adult) "Hey I like you, let's be friends and hang out today!" but I've thought of it so many times LOL. So I guess the lesson I have for myself is to keep being more vulnerable and open with my friendships and never make assumptions! (≧∀≦) I seem to have no issue doing this while drunk LOL. I remember drunkenly telling my best friend we should get a friendship tattoo of a strawberry because of our favorite anime LMAO. The next day I woke up feeling so self-conscious that I asked that - as if I proclaimed my undying love for her despite my genuinely wanting to get that tattoo with her. Instead, the next day she asked "Were you serious about the tattoo? let's do it!" So yeah, time to be as vulnerable as drunk me lol.
I want to be more of a Frog to the Toads of the world LMAO. I genuinely think that friendships are much harder to nurture than romantic relationships (at least for me), especially in adulthood. I think I'm on the right path and I'm really happy with my circle. I grew a lot from romantic relationships and I'm constantly growing with my husband but I know that there's even more room to grow (and blossom) and that friendships provide a much-needed different perspective.
Blossoming opportunities
And on a smaller note, spring has brought so many opportunities. I saw Yaeji live a few days ago (absolutely amazing). I'm going to a work off-site in Montreal. I grew up in Montreal and I honestly can't wait to revisit after so many years away. And it'll be really fun seeing my coworkers in person finally! We had an off-site in Hawaii last year but I actually had a panic attack at the airport and didn't go which I regret every day. (｡•́︿•̀｡) But I'm doing better now and I'm genuinely so excited to meet my coworkers and their families with my husband (and free trip to Montreal! LOL) There's also VELD again this year and shadow clan is going once again (although we're doing 2 days rather than 3 because I don't think my body can handle 3 again heh..) I love the festival but I also just love having them sleep over lol. Something about adult sleepovers just gives a little push of serotonin. We're also planning a cottage trip and I'll hopefully be doing driving school very soon (ya gurl got a perfect score on the written test but I guess that isn't very gloat-worthy lmao)! ( *︾▽︾) And on a final note, new FFXIV raid tier, and I'm finally excited to play again and haven't just been raid logging! I'm really excited about the static and this tier and have lots of good jujus. (๑¯◡¯๑)
I guess I'll wrap this up with whoever is reading this - I hope everything in your life is blossoming as beautifully as this spring (finally) is! 🌱